


if we ever become unhappy someday

by chiisanz



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Depression, Exhaustion, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi-centric, Minor Injuries, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Overworking, References to Depression, Self-Destruction, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, trigger warning, vent fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:21:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26446252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chiisanz/pseuds/chiisanz
Summary: Kwon meant power.But what stood in front of him was nothing akin to his last name.Ho meant tiger, Shi meant gaze. Tiger’s gaze.But what resided in his eyes was anything but the ferocious animal.Hoshi meant star.Soonyoung was a black hole.A dead star.Soonyoung glared at the mirror and the other simply glared back at him.—aplaylistto listen to while reading this fictitle and the chapters are from seventeen's smile flower
Comments: 5
Kudos: 37





	1. for some reason, sometimes, suddenly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i keep thinking these days

**Soonyoung didn’t think he could move his limbs anymore.** He was lying down on the cold tiles of the practice room, mirrors fogging up, his limbs heavy, and he was drenched in his sweat. His notes were probably somewhere on the floor, lying in the same fashion as he was right now. The whiteboard he used to scribble formations was now a mess of black marker ink from not erasing the board properly amid hurry.

He lolled his head to the side, and his eyes caught the sight of the white clock hung near the door.

_Wow, it’s almost 3 am. If Seungcheol didn’t manage to chop my head off, Jihoon would._

This was already his nth time spending the night sweating at the practice room. This was not his first rodeo, and this was nothing compared to the other nights where he would just straight up fall unconscious out of exhaustion, only to be woken up a few minutes later to panic about the still unfinished dance routines. He didn’t mind any of these.

Seungcheol and Jihoon would, though.

But after thinking about it, Jihoon was probably in the recording studio too right now, trying to finish the song pieces he was making before the deadline. The comeback date was getting nearer, and Soonyoung would be content if everything were done long before the deadline date. It would make everything less stressful and hectic, and Seungcheol would finally stop looking so pressed all the time. Soonyoung gets it; it must be stressful to lead 13 people at the same time _constantly_ , making sure there were 13 heads every time they went anywhere, and trying to calm down these 13 people would probably be the worst of it.

What he’s feeling right now would probably only be a fraction of the whole burden Seungcheol bore on his shoulder. And he didn’t even have the responsibility of Seventeen entire music discography like Jihoon. That knowledge made him feel shittier than before.

He wanted to stand up and continue making whatever choreography he was making before he collapsed on the floor, but it seemed like his body didn’t listen to him at all. Soonyoung was screaming at all of his muscle fibers to _move,_ but his body was planted to the ground, firm and unmoving.

Soonyoung closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and willed himself to stand up, wobbling through the practice room to grab his notes and walked to the board to stare at it for the next 15 minutes, thinking about what moves he should add to the unfinished choreography.

“Hell, I can’t come up with anything…” Soonyoung pinched the bridge of his nose, huffing in frustration that his exhausted brain couldn’t come up with anything.

He was about to scratch his temple in annoyance, but when his fingers came in contact with his skin, he winced in pain and disbelief.

Did he break his fall with his head? Or wait– he probably didn’t break his fall at all and smashed his head straight to the ground.

Soonyoung made a mental note to check it out later, but right now, his top priority was finishing this damn choreography, or Seventeen wouldn’t have a comeback at all. Well, it’s pretty extreme to phrase it that way; the company would probably find some ways or another if Soonyoung didn’t manage to finish the dance routine, just like what they did with Thanks. But the disappointment that would loom over his head at the promotions would surely be the death of him so he would instead exert his poor body now than suffered through unimaginable self-loathing later.

Ringing sounds from his phone snapped him out of his thoughts. His hand reached to the back pocket of his training pants and grabbed his phone.

 _Jihoon_.

He groaned immediately when his eyes caught the caller ID that flashed on the screen. Seriously, out of 12 people in the dorm, it must be Jihoon who called him? Wasn’t the short guy at the recording studio right now? Wasn’t he supposed to be there, trying to chase the deadline the way Soonyoung did right now?

Soonyoung desperately tried to ignore the non-stop calls, but it looked like Jihoon wasn’t going to stop too, so with a nervous sigh, he answered the call.

“…yeah?”

_“What do you mean, ‘yeah’? Do you have any idea what time it is now?”_

“Uh… 3?”

Soonyoung heard the other man clicked his tongue in annoyance.

_“I won’t beat around the bush, Soonyoung. Where are you right now? Why are you not in the dorm?”_

Soonyoung started getting annoyed too, and the exhaustion didn’t help. Who gave Jihoon the right to talk to him in this manner when they’re the same age?

“Why do you want to know anyway,” he bit back to Jihoon in a flat tone but quiet, the question he asked back now sounded more like a statement rather than a question that needed an answer.

_“Do you want to know why? Everyone is up right now, can’t sleep because they can’t stop thinking about your whereabouts, and here you are, being stubborn with me on the phone.”_

Soonyoung heard some rustling from the other end of the line, and the voice changed.

_“Hyung… please just come home. We’re worried sick. Where are you, hyung? We called Jihoon-hyung when we realized you were gone because we thought he was in the recording studio again, and you might be there too with him, but Jihoon-hyung was in the dorm…”_

Seungkwan’s voice came through, and Soonyoung’s stomach started feeling heavy.

“How… many of you are awake?”

_“Almost all of us in the upstairs dorm except Jeonghan-hyung and Jun-hyung, I think. Hansol was seriously panicked when he saw that your bed is empty….”_

Seungkwan’s voice trailed off, but those sentences were enough to make guilt churned deep in his pit. Soonyoung sighed, slowly realizing the aftereffect of his usual midnight runaway.

“Okay, I’ll go back now– “ Soonyoung heard some rustling again from his phone, and the voice changed again.

_“Where are you right now?”_

It’s Seungcheol. Soonyoung knew he’s already in trouble when the caller ID displayed Jihoon’s name, but when Seungcheol raspy sleepy voice came through, he knew he was in deep shit.

“Ah, hyung–“

_“Get home, right now. We’ll talk about this later.”_

Fuck. Seungcheol sounded _really_ mad.

“Yes, hyung.”

The other line beeped, and Soonyoung stared at his phone screen. The guilt started being replaced by feeling anxiety of whatever would greet him at the dorm.

He tried to keep his mind off his thoughts by cleaning and tidying up the practice room. He took a photo of the whiteboard before erasing it and picked up his scattered notes all around the practice room. He took a quick shower and changed his clothes, stuffed his drenched training clothes into his backpack, and flicked the lamp switch.

Soonyoung sighed before opening the dorm with his key quietly and peeking inside. The light was on, and there sat on the sofa Seungkwan, Chan, Minghao, Jihoon, and… Seungcheol. He awkwardly waved at them, trying to keep the atmosphere light, but the scowls on their faces seemed to be resistant to it.

“Hi?”

“Sit.”

Soonyoung sat stiffly on the couch. Seungcheol and Jihoon standing in front of him, Chan and Hansol sandwiched him, and Seungkwan was standing behind him with his hands resting on Soonyoung’s shoulders, probably a small attempt at comforting him. Soonyoung diverted his eyes from the two leaders in front of him, trying his best not to show that he’s a bit anxious right now.

“You guys can leave,” Jihoon said to the younger.

“But, hyung–“

“Just leave, Seungkwan-ah. It’s fine,” Soonyoung cut him off, and Seungkwan shot him an apologetic look before ushering the others to their rooms.

The doors closed with a soft click, leaving Soonyoung to the two leaders in front of him.

“Where were you?” Jihoon started.

Soonyoung shifted a little on the couch, considering his options before answering.

“I went out for some fresh air.”

Jihoon scowled deepen as if he wasn’t satisfied with his answer.

“You’re lying, aren't you?”

Soonyoung stared at Seungcheol incredulously in an act to get him out of trouble. There’s a rule at the dorm that no-one would go practice past 11 pm. And Soonyoung just blatantly broke the rule.

“I’m not.”

“Yes you are,” Seungcheol lifted his hand towards Soonyoung, and for one second, he thought the older man wanted to hit him, so he closed his eyes, but instead of his cheek coming in contact with flesh, he felt his black backpack leaving the right side of his body. He opened his eyes in panic to see Seungcheol with his bag.

“Isn’t this your training bag, Soonyoung?”

Before Soonyoung could say anything, Jihoon snatched it from Seungcheol’s hands and opened up his backpack, pulling out his sweat-drenched training clothes.

“What is this, then?” Jihoon asked in a slightly angry voice, and Soonyoung immediately looked down with a scowl, refusing to look at the evidence of his crime.

“You were in the practice room, weren’t you?” Seungcheol looked at him, his eyes filled with anger and dread.

Soonyoung started picking at his loose hangnail, the scowl was still as clear as day on his face.

“Answer me!” Seungcheol shouted out, and Soonyoung flinched at the loud sound, but that was not enough to shake his scowl off. His mind immediately traveled to his hyungs and dongsaengs that were trying to get some sleep to function correctly tomorrow.

“Yeah.”

Seungcheol huffed harshly in anger and Jihoon was just standing there unmoving, hands folded in front of his chest and a frown on his face as in to show Soonyoung his disapproval.

“What is the rule in this dorm?”

“Huh?”

“WHAT IS THE RULE IN THIS DORM KWON SOONYOUNG!?”

Soonyoung bit his lips, not expecting Seungcheol to be _that_ mad with him.

“No… practicing after 11.”

Seungcheol threw his backpack at him.

“I don’t want to see you still conscious and moving at this hour anymore.”

Soonyoung just nodded, not really trusting his tongue and honestly not knowing what to answer to that statement. Seungcheol walked to the front door and opened the door harshly, and not long after he was gone.

“You know he said that for your own good, right? We can’t afford more overworked and exhausted members, especially when the comeback is getting nearer,” Jihoon paused, and Soonyoung looked down to his feet, feeling Jihoon’s stare burned the top of his head, “We haven’t even gotten anything done except a few drafts. Just please help Seungcheol and spare him the stress. He had gotten enough. I… don’t even think he wanted to be _that_ mad at you. You know how he is when he’s stressed. Just apologize to him tomorrow.”

Jihoon turned his back and walked out of the dorm. After hearing the door closed, Soonyoung sunk into the couch, trying his best to hold whatever-emotion-he’s-feeling-right-now in. Once both unit leaders exited the dorm, the small piece of thread holding all of his composure together just snapped, and he found himself struggling to control his emotions. He inhaled and exhaled thousand times, trying to regulate his breathing, hoping it would somehow regulate his feelings too.

He made a mistake. He didn’t expect Hansol would wake up, knowing the younger was a pretty deep sleeper. He didn’t expect they would call Jihoon too, or Seungcheol coming with him.

What’s all that talk about trying not to stress the leader but still waking him up just because one member was gone?

Soonyoung would feel better if they told him it’s because they were worried unimaginable things would happen to him outside at night, yada yada. But telling him straight that they just can’t afford another exhausted member seemed a bit…

Soonyoung got it, though. But why did he still feel shitty?

The train of thought left him immediately when he heard the soft click of a door. He turned his head and met Seungkwan’s wet eyes.

“Holy- are you okay, Seungkwan-ah?” Soonyoung scrambled to hold the younger and cupped the younger’s face on his hands, “Were you listening? Why aren’t you asleep?”

“I-I-I just–“ Seungkwan hiccupped before tears started rolling down his cheeks again, “I feel so bad right now… I feel so guilty hyung… We shouldn’t have called Jihoon-hyung…”

Soonyoung just pulled the younger into a hug, his right hand ruffling his hair.

“It’s alright, Seungkwan-ah, you’re just worried.”

“No! No… we just got you in trouble with Seungcheol-hyung… and right when we were preparing for a comeback too…”

“It’s okay, Seungkwan-ah. I’ll apologize to him tomorrow, and we’ll be good again, alright? Just go to sleep now, yeah?”

Seungkwan rubbed his eyes and just slowly nodded before Soonyoung accompanied him back to his room.

Soonyoung found himself standing in front of the closed door; three different burdens were heavy on his shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading chapter 1 ! i hope you have a good day :)


	2. if we become apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what do i do?
> 
> of course, that won't happen

**Soonyoung woke up at 6 as usual, even though this time, his body felt like a brick.** He groaned when the alarm beeps finally reached his ears and the sunlight hit his closed eyelids. He's so going to give an earful to Hansol for leaving the curtains open. Soonyoung threw his duvet to the floor before his hands reached blindly for his phone on the bedside to turn off his alarm.

His body felt like it was _screaming_. His limbs were aching and heavy, and the light seeping through the windows started a hammering headache on the front part of his head.

_Come on._

Soonyoung put his arm on his face.

_You’ve been through this before._

He got up and sat on his bed, his eyes and face still swollen from the sleep. For some reason, his eyes felt painful when he tried to open it, and Soonyoung just associated it with the exhaustion and lack of sleep. He looked around the room, and he heaved a sigh in relief when he was missing the sight of Hansol’s body under the blanket on his bed.

Why was he even relieved?

Soonyoung didn’t know the answer. He probably just needed some time alone right now to sort the jumbled up thoughts in his head. He buried his face in his legs, sighing for the nth time this morning.

He really couldn’t get his head off the comeback, and the unfinished choreography. If he didn’t finish making the routines for their title song, the group would hardly make any progress because they would have nothing to practice on, except for the vocals.

What if Soonyoung didn’t make it to the deadline? Would Pledis hire a choreographer the way they did with Thanks? Wouldn’t it be too late? Wouldn't it be bad to rush out everything? What if he really fail to make it to the deadline?

And what if Pledis decided Soonyoung isn’t competent enough to lead the Performance Team anymore? Who probably would replace him? What’s going to happen to Seventee–

Wait. _Who_ _probably_ _would replace him?_

Soonyoung’s mind skimmed through the faces of the members. Who would... who...

_No. Stop. Why are you even thinking about this?_

Soonyoung wouldn’t let anyone take the heavy burden of Seventeen’s performance on their shoulders anyway. Even if he died doing so. It felt ridiculous even thinking about it.

Performance was _that_ important to him. It's literally his passion, his reason to live. Soonyoung knew how dramatic that sounded but it was true.

 _It’s the core of Seventeen, after all_.

Soonyoung got up from his bed spending a few minutes trying to be soberer. He picked up his fallen duvet and threw it back onto his mattress. He felt angry somehow, but to whom? Or to what? His incompetence? He got caught last night because he slacked and got too reckless. There’s literally nobody to be mad to except himself.

Soonyoung grabbed his towel from the rack with a bit too much force and went straight to the bathroom, making a mental note to brainstorm some choreographies under the shower later.

Soonyoung totally forgot about apologizing.

“Hyung, where are you going?”

Soonyoung, still crouching, turned his head towards the voice, his hands in halt from tying his shoes.

“I’m going to the practice room Hansol-ah, I still need to complete the choreography. Morning air is good for the brain, so I’m going early to start brainstorming early too!” Soonyoung gave Hansol his best grin and a thumbs-up.

The younger only stared at him.

“Hyung, you okay?

Soonyoung frowned, his hand lowered down slowly.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

Hansol walked towards him and point his fingers towards his temple, which made Soonyoung jerked away subconsciously.

“It’s bruised, hyung, and it looks pretty bad.”

Bruise?

“Wha– “ Soonyoung’s fingers shot up to touch the said place and accidentally poked his forehead. The pain that came in with the contact made him retract his fingers as if electrocuted.

“Hyung, did you fall last night? I can–“

“No, it’s fine, Hansol-ah. Don’t bother, I’m fine. Tell the others I’m going out for a bit, yeah?” Soonyoung got up, and before the younger could reply, he walked out of the dorm, knuckles white as he gripped the straps of his backpack tighter than he ever had.

Soonyoung opened the door to the practice room and stood there idly, staring at the empty room.

Something’s missing.

Soonyoung closed the door behind him and threw his backpack to the side of the room before moving to uncover the mirrors, slowly.

Something’s missing.

He didn’t notice he was holding his breath until he looked at his own reflection in the mirror and breathed out.

_Something’s missing._

Soonyoung’s gaze met his own in the reflection, and he didn’t recognize those irises. He dragged his hand on the mirror as if trying to caress his unreal counterpart whose skin was as ashy as the moonlight, and eyes were as dull as a dead one.

“Who are you?”

 _I am you_.

What Soonyoung was missing was the feeling of content every time he entered the said room, the sense of excitement when the music rolled through his ears and the burn of his passion and dream as he saw his reflection moved along with him, limbs hitting every beat with the same power as the previous.

Kwon meant power.

But what stood in front of him was nothing akin to his last name.

Ho meant tiger, Shi meant gaze. Tiger’s gaze.

But what resided in his eyes was anything but the ferocious animal.

Hoshi meant star.

Soonyoung was a black hole.

A dead star.

Soonyoung glared at the mirror and the other simply glared back at him.

Soonyoung was about to get sick of his group’s song. He swore he’s going to turn crazy if he heard another _eojjeona_ , although Soonyoung had no choice but to play the summer track on loop as he tried to build a choreography for the said song. Beads of sweat ran down his face, and his face had been replaced with a glazed doughnut. Shiny, and smooth from the sebum and sweat clinging onto his skin.

 _A shower would be nice_.

Soonyoung shook his head at the thought. He only brought one set of clean clothes but he still wanted to stay at the studio for another 3 hours or so (or at least until he finished making the choreography for the first verse). Taking a shower now would only spoil his clean clothes. Soonyoung decided to leave the clothes for when he headed home, so at least he didn’t smell like sweat when he got back home.

Soonyoung walked to the stereo and grabbed his phone to turn the music off, the _eojjeona_ finally got on his nerves. A 5-minute break wouldn’t hurt much.

_Right?_

The thought stopped Soonyoung in his track, his index finger hovered over the pause button on his phone screen.

 _Nah, going for a bit more wouldn’t hurt_.

Soonyoung glanced at the screen to make sure once again that the on repeat button was lighted up and set down his phone on the stereo. He walked back to his usual spot in front of his whiteboard and the huge huge mirror in the practice room, hand holding a marker as he made numerous potential dance formations on the board.

“It’ll be cool if we do something fun since Oh My! is a summer song... Something fun and cute for the intro...”

Soonyoung mumbled to himself before an intense headache hit him in the head. The headache he got this morning had dulled into a white pain, and Soonyoung had gotten used to it and pretty much ignored and forgot about it as he focused himself on the task on hand, but when his head suddenly felt like a brick was thrown onto it he stumbled forward in surprise. His swaying body crashed into the whiteboard and when Soonyoung opened his eyes again, his head was already in contact with the cold floor.

“Wha...?”

Soonyoung blinked a few times as he tried to regain himself.

He blacked out?

How long had he blacked out?

His hands tried to support his heavy body as he moved into a sitting position. Soonyoung’s gaze fell on the lying whiteboard on the floor, the marker had rolled to somewhere on the practice room floor, he had no idea.

Soonyoung was royally pissed now.

For some reason, since yesterday, nothing had been going right for him. From falling and bruised his temple, getting caught sneaking out, to waking up with the most horrid headache he ever felt in his life. And now Soonyoung fell, _again_ , and blacked out too even though he was sure he’s nowhere near exhaustion. And the one that was the final nail in the coffin was his severe lack of inspiration. That annoyed him to the bone. Just what kind of divine entity had him cursed? The past few days were nothing but going well to him.

Soonyoung got up abruptly in anger but before he could take the first step, his vision spotted and his body swayed again. Soonyoung found himself leaning on the mirror for support.

“Ugh, this is the worst...”

Soonyoung didn’t know if he’s more pissed off of the song that wouldn’t stop playing or himself.

His headache got more intense as if to mock the hell out of him. Soonyoung started feeling nauseous too, and weird black spots were dancing on his visions. He slowly slid down to the floor, sitting down for what felt like an eternity as Soonyoung tried to shoo the black spots and nausea away. And if he prayed harder the headache could finally leave him alone too.

Saying he felt terrible right not seemed like an understatement.

But the worst thing was not knowing why.

Sitting down on the floor, curled up, Soonyoung could feel the anger boiling inside of him.

**Soonyoung dragged his tired body down the dark street, the hood of his jacket covered up his face as he head hung low, trying to avoid meeting anyone’s gaze.** He usually felt happy bumping into some fans on the street but right now Soonyoung didn’t really want to show his exhausted and messy appearance to anyone except the mattress in his room.

Should he thank the government for the bad street lighting system?

Soonyoung managed to avoid people safely and in no time, he was standing in front of his dorm and opened the door to find the dorm… empty.

No sign of life, no, no-one, nothing.

He had prepared to sneak in and when he noticed the lack people in the dorm, it felt a bit anti-climatic to him.

Soonyoung went to check every room just in case there was someone there, but no. There’s nobody in the dorm. He even went to check the other dorm, thinking they all might be in the other dorm, but no. Soonyoung was dumbstruck.

_Did they…_

“…leave me?” Soonyoung found his mouth finishing the thought, eyes wide as the realization set in.

_No, they must have forgotten or something. Or got the message from Hansol that I was in the practice room, and got the message that he didn’t really want to be bothered. Or probably they didn’t go together but went in separate small groups and accidentally made it look like they went together, at the same time, to the same place. No, they couldn’t just possibly leave him._

Soonyoung refused to believe that.

He tried so hard to reason with himself as if to negotiate with his feelings. Soonyoung tried to convince himself with _anything_ , even coming up with ridiculous scenarios as to why he was alone in the dorm right now, his members vanished into thin air without so much any notes or a heads-up.

Soonyoung calmed his racing mind down and took a deep breath. It’s actually good that they left without him. He didn’t have to hide the fact that he felt like his body was torn apart at every joints, and didn’t have to dodge the questions when they asked about his bruised temple and the reasons why Soonyoung had been running away.

This was in his favor actually. But why did Soonyoung feel so upset?

He tried to think that it was because he was tired and exhausted, so he was in a bad mood. Not because of the knowledge that his bandmates left him to have fun by themselves or whatever.

_Whatever._

Yeah, whatever. He’d just take a shower and go to sleep. Soonyoung would probably forget about this in the morning, like he usually had.

He hoped so.

But when he opened his eyes to the dark ceiling of his room but with the absence to the young rapper’s snores. Soonyoung immediately sat up and his eyes trailed to the red digital numbers who were glaring back at him.

_4:35_

And when he glanced to Hansol’s bed, it was as empty as ever.

He wanted to laugh at the irony. Yesterday morning he was so relieved when he found the rapper's bed empty he's _ashamed_ of it but now, Soonyoung would be lying if he said he wasn’t disappointed.

 _If they’re still not home at this hour, they must be at the karaoke bar,_ his mind unhelpfully supplied.

 _They know you love karaoke_.

Now Soonyoung wanted to punch his inner voice.

“Shut up,” he mumbled raspily to the quiet room, being angry at nothing but himself.

And at his members probably, a little.

And now he couldn’t go back to sleep. Soonyoung tried tossing and turning and changing his sleeping position to every angle his groggy mind could think off but nothing gave him back the blissful sleep he was craving. Soonyoung tried again for a few more times before he decided that his blanket was too uncomfortable and hot to stay under.

_Oh great._

Soonyoung sat up again on his bed and glanced again at the digital clock on Hansol's bedside like it was some sort of a routine.

_4:42_

“It sure does feel like at eternity trying to go back to sleep,” he mutters under his breath before standing up and walking out of his shared room with Hansol.

Soonyoung opened the door to dead silence, except the faint beeping noises the dorm alarm system made or the bubbly sounds from the water dispenser.

No-one was in the dorm, as expected, but nonetheless it wasn't making Soonyoung felt any better.

“Now that I think of it, I still haven’t apologized to Seungcheol and Jihoon... that’s probably why they left without me. Must be still mad at me,” he talked to himself, trying another way to reason with himself.

Why did he have to keep reasoning with himself?

Soonyoung tried to stay unbothered. He went to the bathroom to wash his face in an attempt to clear his thoughts, but one look at his reflection made all of his efforts went to waste.

Soonyoung hated who he was seeing in front of him right now. It is... _something_ , he couldn’t recognize. Something... unfamiliar. Strange. Alien. Unwelcomed. Something that shouldn’t wear the face of Seventeen’s Hoshi.

The other him started talking to Soonyoung. Taunting him, hissing at him, screaming. Ordering him to do things he wouldn’t have ever done. Telling him things that were not real, that couldn’t be possibly real. The other him kept running his mouth, fingers pointing at Soonyoung like he was some sort of felon, some sort of mistake.

Soonyoung just stared at him, hard.

He had never felt more enraged but ashamed at the same time. Soonyoung knew that whatever this... _lookalike_ of him was spouting right now was utter nonsense, but a part of him couldn’t help but held on to the doubt.

There were so many possibilities that whatever this thing was saying was true. And Soonyoung was the delusional one.

“No, shut up,” he whispered, eyes staring straight at the Soonyoung-shaped figure in the mirror, “Shut up, please. Just shut up.”

Soonyoung brought his fingers to his ears in an attempt to make his voice faded away.

Soonyoung swore he saw the other person grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading the second chapter !! the first updates are going to be pretty quick since i've already written some of the chapters but after that the updates are going to be pretty slow i think because i'll probably be busy with college :((

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading another vent fic of mine ! i hope this fic serves as a warm comfort that you are not alone and there are others out there and there still are people who love you and think you are important to them ! please hang on for a bit more, my prayers are with you, i love you <3 !! if you want someone to talk to or vent you could always hit me up at my twitter :
> 
> twitter : [@iprefermarigold](https://twitter.com/iprefermarigold)
> 
> also i didn't proof read this and english is not my native language ^^" please excuse any wrong grammar/spelling !


End file.
